I came across a link that was re-tweeted on Twi.tter by a girl that I follow today. It was a link to another blog where a woman had just posted about "The Facebook Pregnancy Announcment" and how she found a site that gave you "10 cute, oh-so-clever ways to announce your pregnancy on Face.book". Her response to finding this website?
"Not only is this practice already proliferated throughout the fertile, ignorant masses, but now we’re encouraging it? Giving fucking tips on how to do it best?"
Ok I understand you have trouble conceiving and find it hurtful when you log into Face.book and see someone you're friends with has posted a pregnancy announcement. I truly do understand. I tried for 3 years to conceive the baby I am currently carrying and during that time I also logged on to find pregnancy announcements from friends. It hurt. A lot. And they don't know it because we never told anyone we had trouble conceiving. But you know what? They're friends. And I was truly happy for them being able to experience such a wonderful thing in life, even when I never thought I would ever be able to.
Honestly, if you don't like Face.book announcements - save yourself some heartache and delete your account. Or you can decide to share your blog with your friends on Face.book, let them have an insight into your world of trying to conceive. They're only "ignorant masses" because you decide to blog/tweet annonymously. If you share your story you'll probably find they'll be more sensitive to your situation and many other people's. Maybe even other people you're friends with.
Hell, if that fails or you think it's a stupid idea: delete the friends on your list who make the announcements or post ultrasound photos. You're making yourself a martyr by not doing anything about it.
I'm now 12 weeks pregnant. I never thought we would see this day. After previously miscarrying and being told by doctors we could have problems conceiving again, I was extatic to find out we were expecting. And yes, I did the Face.book announcement so that we could share our incredible news with everyone we know and love. Obviously we kept our infertile friends in mind when posting and here's how we did it:
"Tammy is so very happy to announce that Scott and I will be mummy and daddy in August"
We didn't rub their faces in it with quizical posts that made them go "Is she/isn't she?", we made it direct and to the point and tried our very best not to hurt anybody. We did it because we wanted to tell everyone at once, rather than our infertile friends finding out through the grapevine about it and thinking "why would she avoid telling me that?" because I know it would hurt them more. I know they would want to join us in being happy that we've managed to do it, by overcoming all odds.
Really, if you can't be happy for your "friends" who post pregnancy announcements, don't be their friend. They're not doing this on purpose to rub it in your face. Let them know your story. Then you'll know they're not intentionally doing it to hurt you. It's natural for everyone to share great news on social sites. Don't hate them for it. Be their friend. Be happy for them. After all you don't know what their story is, they might have struggled to conceive too.
Please don't take this blog the wrong way, I'm not having a dig at you. I just think you need to take a step back and realise your friend's happiness. Your day will come too and they'll do the same for you.
Hey there, just wanted to comment on your comment here.
ReplyDeletePlease don't take this too seriously--I was only having a bit of fun knowing how hard it is to see those announcements for a lot of us.
Of course people have a right to be happy, but sometimes it's hard not to be hurt (even knowing they aren't meaning to be).
And the thing is, I don't really know that my day will come... and that's the hard part right?
I can't stay away from Facebook unfortunately because it's part of what I do for a living... I have taken to hiding people though.
And I'm not offended, don't worry. You have a right to your opinion as do I. ;)
PS-Congrats on your pregnancy!
ReplyDeleteHey! Sorry if I came across quite "harsh" about your post, I didn't realise it was meant to be a bit of fun until @pregnantjust pointed it out. I didn't mean to take the wrong end of the stick :)
ReplyDeleteIt is hard not knowing if your day will come, I had many a melt-down about it. Keep hope alive though, it works wonders for the spirit :)
Thanks for the congrats x
Seems like I have spawned a critic... :-)
ReplyDeleteNice posting, but nicer to see you two are open to discussion and choices.
Tamlyn will know that my partner, Stephany, cannot conceive and it affected her badly for a long time. Despite trying all sorts of things, including AI, and running up huge medical bills, some things are just not meant to be. Accepting those is the hardest part, but there are people and organisations out there that can help, including adoption agencies. We are too far age-wise to consider adoption, but for the younger folks out there, it's always an option to give a needy child a loving home.
I too hope @runnyyolk does end up pregnant one day if that is what she needs. If you want something bad enough, you'll usually find the means to get there....good luck...